“...get up to speed with what’s going on in the world.”

The incomparable Sarah Bunting of tomatonation.com wrote a delightfully pointed etiquette guide for those of us who are over 25 years old.  Hugely entertaining.  I’ve got a few of my own I’d like to add; I’ve tried to write them in the same self-righteous style as Ms. Bunting’s first 20:

“9.  Learn to walk in heels.  Gentlemen, you are at your leisure.”
9a.  Gentlemen, you are emphatically not at your leisure.  You need real shoes for formal occasions.  Athletic shoes do not count.  Boots with tread like Lego blocks do not count, even if the boots are low-cut and brown.  You’re 90% of the way there with a nice suit and clean face; don’t throw it away at the end by wearing running shoes. If your journey is arduous, you may wear casual shoes and then change into real shoes upon your arrival.  A decent pair of dress shoes will cost about two days’ pay and will last you five years with only the slightest maintenance on your part.  All purchases should be so worthwhile.

21.  Find religion.  Or, if that’s not for you, find philosophy.  Back in college, it was okay to cobble together a belief system for yourself out of bumper stickers and song lyrics.  You’re older than that now, and the decisions and consequences you face are bigger these days.  Please understand that creating your own belief system and living by it is a project every bit as ambitious and perilous as building your own car and driving it on the freeway.  Throughout all of history, only about a dozen people have had the moral clarity and intellectual fiber to create a truly lasting religion or philosophy.  If you’re one of them, God bless you (or whatever), but if you’re not, admit it and start believing in something.  Those of us who share this earth with you will be comforted to know that you are basing your major decisions on a tried-and-true moral foundation, not just making it up as you go.

page < 1  2  >